So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
