She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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