2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
