I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
