a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
