i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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