dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
