I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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