dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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