Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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