nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
