marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
