i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They took my balls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
