I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
