Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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