Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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