would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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