I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
