After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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