Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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