the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
