I wish life had little blips of pornography
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
