Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
