you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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