I met the friendliest cop last night
its not stalking. its research.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
