yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
