btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
