he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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