there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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