Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
