i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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