we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
