also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
