I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
