I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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