I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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