True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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