i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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