Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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