Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
