i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
