i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
