9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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