we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
