Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
