but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
