singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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