I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
