are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
