My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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