First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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