So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
