Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think your dad took our porno
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
